It's all my life that I've been this way,
people ask why and I don't know what to say.
All I know is sometimes I just get real blue
why it's like that, I don't have a clue.

Because you asked, I suppose you care
If you've here to �fix� me you don't have a prayer!
Doctors and medicines, I've tried them all,
and not a one of them knows why I fall.

Depression is an evil that you can't explain
Unless you've been here you can't feel my pain.
You say, �open up and tell me how you feel�
well it's an open wound that you cannot heal.

You asked me to tell you what it's like to be me,
The truth is, it's a world you don't wanna see.
There's a lot more people like me out there
but It's a dirty little secret we don't wanna share.

I might be your neighbor, grocer or bank clerk,
I might be that guy that's always a jerk.
I might be somebody you just thought you knew,
hell you can never tell, I just might be you!

I'm the life of the party but I'm dying inside,
I have to smile but I really just want to hide.
I deal with the pain the only way I know how,
but I have a secret fear of being disavowed.

Every single day you just wish you were dead,
Every single night dreams chase you in your bed.
You've got a million reasons to be alive,
but the evil has other plans for you to contrive.

It's like being in a big room full of folks,
and thinking that your the center of all the jokes.
It's being the only one wet on a sunny day,
and always crying on your birthday.

I keep most of these things to myself,
because it's become an entity all to itself.
Most of the time I separate and tell it what to do,
but some of the time I just can't seem to subdue.

Call me a loser, you can call me a freak.
My purpose here was just to give you a peek,
at what it's like to have to live this way,
and sit by and watch your life crumble and decay.

I am aware that all of this is just in my mind,
But reality can shut tight on you like a window blind.
leaving you all alone out in the cold,
to watch your worst fears begin to unfold.

I had a friend once that fought this same war,
he fought it until he could not take it anymore.
He took a bullet and put it in his brain,
it was a waste and fucking shame.

All because his parents could not understand
why his life was not just what they had planned.
I miss him much and wish he were here,
seventeen and dead before his senior year.

I wish there were something more here to say,
something profound and not quite so cliche.
I really just wish I could explain,
but you can't explain away this pain.

�TimDangerous 03/20/04