When you are first married sex is fantastic! I think we initiated every room in our new apartment that July. Some months into it I decided I wanted to become creative. I began to think that I wanted to both last longer and be more imaginative. Guys are like that, thinking if they had just gone that few extra seconds the fireworks would have gone off for the both of you. Sometimes a guy will going at it with all his might, I mean all humped-backed and everything, thinking he's about to get an entry into the Guiness world book of records for sexual stamina when in reality he's been at it all of, say, five minutes! Yeah, we guys are like that sometimes. I think at some point society or our dads or somebody decided that the guy was responsible for the sexual development of the couple. That's bullshit is what is, but we seem set to accept the job however. Somewhere in the back of my mind right after sex there is this voice I hear. It's talking to me asking, �Was that the best you could do Boy Wonder?? Oh yeah, you've got them lined up and beating down the door there Mr. Hot-Stuff!� What's crazier is that I talk back sometimes. �Yeah, well your stupid idea about that anal thing was no freaking winner there either mister!�

I try to spice things up, I admit it. Not that it gets dull or anything, but I like different at times. I decided once many years ago that I wasn't lasting as long as I should. So what does a guy do when he thinks he isn't staying in the saddle quite long enough? I mean, just who in the hell do you ask about that kind of thing? My mind wanders to that Television commercial where the young girl asks her mother in the car, �Mom, do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?� Yeah, right. I don't think so! I could just see me asking my father sexual advice. That was so not happening. �Hey dad? When you and Mom were getting it on and Mom was just getting her motor running, did you pop your load too early?� No way Jose! Not happening.

So I feel prey to the porn magazines. That's right, every red blooded American male has seen those adverts in the back. I had too! One product claimed to keep you up and running for hours. It had a picture of a beautiful naked girl on it that was moaning and very obviously enjoying herself. I had to get some of that stuff. Yes Sir, I NEEDED that stuff! So I'm addressing the envelope the next day. I clipped out the little ad out of the Hustler (Yeah I was that nasty) magazine praying my wife wouldn't walk in. I shove the postal money order in with it, cause I am not about to send a check to the dildo company! I did, however, check the little box that asks if you want free marital aids sent to your house. I figured I'd explain that later should something really far out showed up. All I ever got though from that was more little adverts. Off in the mail it goes, and I anxiously await my superman potion.

On the day it arrived I smuggled it into the house under my jacket. I wasn't taking any chances of being forced into that conversation. So let me set this scene for you now. There was no kids to get rid of, and that Thursday night we cleaned the house. Friday rolled around and I'm about to explode to try this stuff. I've not breathed a word of any of this to her. I want it to be an utter and complete surprise. People, let me tell you, it was.

I rushed home from base and jumped in the shower. She walked in as I was getting out of the shower. I told her to clean up as I walked into the bedroom, and that I was taking her out. This was rare at that time, as a private in the Marine Corps makes very little money, and we were scrimping and cutting corners. I called the restaurant as I was walking out to verify the reservation. I had the car washed and gassed. Everything, and I mean everything was going ever so right. I was like a kid on Christmas morning I tell you! The night went perfect. The dinner was great, as good as either of us had ever had. We shared a bottle of wine and got the giggles. I took her out to the base to our favorite pier overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. We'd had a lot of fun in the summer fishing and catching fish we had never even seen before. We sat out at the very end where it was farther away from everybody and kissed and necked like we dating. I'm pretty sure we heated the ocean temperature by at least a few degrees before we left. We walked down the beach in the moonlight towards our little house carrying our shoes and letting the water tease our toes. We were in love and we were both hot! That little voice kept popping up and saying stupid stuff like, �Take her here man! Right here, right now!� and then laugh like a maniac. �No way man! This time is going to be perfect.� I told the voice. �Now go away and don't screw this up for me like you always do!� �Fine then.�, the voice said. �You go ahead and play that foreplay card you Momma's boy!� �Hey!�, I yelled in my own mind. �This is my show, now beat it!�

In the room I light the candle and the incense while crazy she changes and freshens up. I'm not exactly sure what goes on during the freshening up, fellows, but I like the results. All I know is they are much more palatable after this process, not to mention smelling like a dream. I rolled the covers back and made all the right preparations for a nights ... �festivities� shall we say?

Things were going as good as I could imagine. The night had been perfect, and the sex was explosive. It was so good that I almost forgot my little �secret weapon�. I eased out the nightstand drawer and slid out the little tube of Stay-Hard. I've never considered myself the most agile creature that God ever made, but on that night I was a contortionist! I never even missed a �lick� and (you figure out what I was doing at the same time!) spread the concoction on Mr. Happy at the same time. (Yes I named my penis.) Now the directions on the tube said to use a very sparingly amount on just the tip of the erect penis, then apply a condom. Okay, here's where that damned voice won out. �Hey, if a little bit does good, imagine what half the tube will do for you man!� �Yeah?�, I asked cautiously. �Oh hell yes�, he answers, �Just think, you could fuck half the night dude!� That did it. I became animalistic and put half the tube on. Now what I didn't realize was that this stuff was about the same thing as ora gel. It desensitizes the head of the penis. Turns out a little is good, but a lot? Not good. Not good at all! Well I'm doing my thing and the rubber breaks. We're married so what, I thought. I didn't stop. I didn't want to stop! After about five minutes or so she's looking up at me with a strange expression. Here's the part I hadn't thought of. If it desensitizes me, then it desensitizes her too! That's right dear readers, she was feeling not a damned thing I was doing to her, in fact, Neither of us could feel a damned thing anywhere in our groin area at all! Nothing! Nada! I'm still humping away thinking I'm Mr. macho and all, and she can't feel her freaking legs now! Now I have to give it to her, she maintained for quite sometime. After all if you remember, she was completely unaware of the secret surprise. I would have been freaking out if I couldn't feel nothing down there. I'd be jumping up and screaming. �Oh my God! My dick died! Somebody call 911! I can't feel my dick!� She gets that voice that she has when she knows something's up and I'm involved somehow. �Umm, what's going on?� Swear to god that's all she says. I told her that I used this stuff that was supposed to keep me hard all night. She blinked, then blinked again, and said, why would you want to be hard all night? I lost it. We laughed into the wee hours of the night. and laughed more when she had to pee and couldn't tell if she was peeing or not.

Yeah. It was called stay-hard. It oughts be called can't feel a damned thing from your waist down!

Happy Valentine's Day DiaryLand!

*kiss*